


I Have No Identity and No Sense of Self

by kitkat1234



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Spies & Secret Agents, Dom/sub, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Hate Sex, Love, NSFW, Not Beta Read, Sex, anyone tagged who isnt in haikyu is solely because im too lazy to create my own characters, confusing oc, he hates her but hes in love with her, her feelings are a mystery, i guess if u count them as friends?, my oc is a queen i dont tolerate slander, not really but we'll go with it, oc loves to play games with tooru, ok maybe if its funny, they are all adults, tooru is a little obsessive but not yandere, we have big balls in this house, we love that, well kinda
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 05:54:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29148510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkat1234/pseuds/kitkat1234
Summary: Eight years earlier.“Are you prepared to risk your life for this mission?”“No, but you guys aren’t giving me much of a choice, now are you?”(Oikawa x Original Female Character)
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru/Original Character(s), Oikawa Tooru/Original Female Character(s), Oikawa Tooru/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	1. Author's Notes before the story xoxo

**Author's Note:**

> this work will contain some mature sexual themes so if ur a minor respectfully fuck off <3
> 
> i don't think im going to kill anyone but if i have a bad day i just cant make any promises but will tag accordingly

so im going to lay some groundwork before the story

1) this is the first fanfic ive ever posted on public platforms. i literally just couldnt get this idea out of my head. if you would like to be a co-creator and help write it i will def consider it!!!!

2) since this is my first fanfic there will def b some mistakes. just point them out and ill look into them. sometimes my grammar is shit other times it is *chefs kiss* idk man just help a gal out

3) none of this is true. in any way shape or form. but this is my story so we gonna fuckin rollllll with it

4) im not using honorifics unless i know thats where theyll b used (ex: iwa-chan) because overall im pretty ignorant of the japanese language and i dont want to disrespect anyone. also idk if anything i write abt the uni of tokyo is true but yet again, this is my story so we r gonna rolllll with it

5) def mature themes. i wish i could be like deciphered (bless them for the master piece they gave us) but honestly, i dont have that type of talent or imagination. will be overall the basics with kinky stuff but nothing ~too~ heavy

6) all characters r like 20 and older in this. may be talks abt losing virginities in high school??? (i have a specific scene in my head regarding this convo) but its nothing thats gonna be more than like "ya i lost my virginity at 15 hbu" if that makes sense

7) i will try to stay in third person pov for as much as i can, but sometimes things can be explained better through first person. the chapter as a whole will remain consistent with the pov, but not the whole story

for example: the first chapter is actually in first pov but the next is third pov xoxo

kk i dont think i have anything else to talk abt so enjoy the story and please dont be shy abt commenting i live for attention ;)

ALSO DONT DO ME HOW YALL DID 7 MINUTES I WILL FUCKING CRY AND NEVER WRITE EVER AGAIN


	2. Origins

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> an excessive amount of ***** signals a time skip jump even tho u can probs figure that out just thought id let ya know
> 
> also what is a good story without a little bit of trauma to the oc wink wink nudge nudge

_Eight years earlier._

“Are you prepared to risk your life for this mission?”

“No, but you guys aren’t giving me much of a choice, now are you?”

*****************************************************************

There’s a lot of things that are well known to this world.

Number one: _men suck_. This has nothing to do with the story, but thought I would make sure that everyone was on the same page.

Number two: people are often put into positions that they can’t refuse. Whether it is being cornered by a couple of friends to _finally_ go hit on that one guy they haven’t stopped talking about, or to throw your life on the line for a problem that everyone would expect the government to solve. Similar to the situation that was created eight years ago. An organization is trying to bring the world into their mercy, to rule it so it caters to what they desire. Not that it’s really my issue or anything- like I said, I expected the governments of the world to solve it, but nope. They sought out after a particular 12 year old girl to handle the situation and forced her into the position of saving their asses.

Number three: the American Scientists Psychoanalysis Group was a horrible organization that deserved no pity for the crimes they committed. The very group that took cover under the American government as an organization solely focused on childhood behavior analysis and education was actually performing horrid experiments on unexpecting orphans. Now, they weren’t doing these experiments on every orphan that was brought to their lab, just the ones who scored the highest on their evaluation exam. They would foster these orphans, claiming “their scores were worrisome,” and placed them under the group’s care. There’s a lot of information about this project that was not made available to the public, but lucky for you, I know a lot more than the general public.

When I was three years old, me and several other children from my orphanage were brought to the American Scientists Psychoanalysis Group’s laboratory in Rochester, New York for standardized testing like the group had informed the government. All six of us were placed in a white room at typical school desks, surrounded by bright lights with ample space in between us, in order to begin the testing as the scientists watched from the window in the front of the room. I was the first to be done with the test and had to patiently wait another excruciating three hours for the rest of the children to complete theirs.

They ushered us outside to go play with the other children from the testing program, but left a few scientists around to “supervise” us as we played. Back then, I never thought twice about it and neither did the other children. But now, I realize they were looking at each of the children’s athletic abilities as another part of the evaluation.

Lucky me was the favorite test subject.

I was the only “worrisome” score of my orphanage and therefore, I was the only child left behind. I wasn’t upset about being left there because I was never the type to get too attached to my surroundings. I knew nothing of my parents and I was labeled as “independent” by the caretakers.

The first day of testing wasn’t harsh. It was another standardized test to score our abilities.

_Again_ \- lucky me with the highest score. 

Each day after that became more gruesome. The tests measured memory, mental flexibility, inductive reasoning, deductive reasoning, situational judgement, verbal, nonverbal, quantitative analysis, any intelligence testing and cognitive development testing, then finally the basic tests used to measure how well we knew what we were taught.

These things may not sound that bad in theory, but they took up over 15 hours of our days and if we didn’t get the score the scientists desired- we weren’t given food.

Then came the testing outside of the standardized tests. The physical evaluations where they measured agility, speed, balance, stamina, and our athleticism or the character analysis evaluations.

The character analysis evaluations are interesting, but they were always my personal favorite. The scientists would present us with very few details about a person: an excerpt from the conversation, specific hand movements they make, certain behavioral traits- pretty much anything. We then were told to decipher the person’s intentions, their personality, their profession, their likes and dislikes, everything was considered relevant information. Now, there is no real science behind how we figured these things out. Like I said, that series of testing improved our cognitive abilities by unfathomable amounts. 

Then came the physical portion. We were taught to master each of our physical abilities. This included various types of fighting, sports, play analysis, flexibility, and gymnastics. All strengthening, balance, stamina, agility, and strategy were free game in the physical portion of the program. They were creating monsters able to move discreetly and swiftly, while strong enough to hold their ground. The program improved our physical abilities like no other. _We_ were deadly.

That is, until the program became _deadly_.

When I was five years old, I was number one overall among all the students. The perfect score was reserved for Experi One- the name given to me by the scientists. I was in the best health condition, the most athletic, the most intelligent. I was the prettiest and the most well behaved child of the group. I never missed a meal, constantly exceeding the expectations of the scientists.

Experi Twenty Four didn’t have the same fate. She was barely keeping up with the program as is, despite initially being within the top 10 candidates. It first started as a cold; a simple runny nose, a few sneezes, a slight cough. Nothing that would expect to kill you, except it did kill her. Her body was breaking down due to stress from the environment and the lack of food only added fuel to the fire. 

I was five years old when I watched her drop dead in the middle of the testing room.

The experiments continued, though. The scientists didn’t care. She was referred to as the “weak link” among our group. It was _her fault_ for dying and not being able to handle the environment. It was _her own_ doing.

I was six years old when three more students died.

I was seven years old when ten students died.

I was eight years old when I was the only student alive.

Out of 26 students, only I lived. Only my body endured the training from the program. The scientists were overjoyed, but all I could feel was numbness. There was no rage, happiness, sadness, or grief. I had no idea what true emotions were, but I knew I didn’t feel them.

The training shamed anything other than the motivation to continue and I followed that ideal. I wonder now if I had ignored that, could I have done something? By the time I did do something, it was too late for the other children. I waited until I was able to graduate from the program to leak the information to the police. If I had done it earlier, if I didn’t have the motivation to continue the program, could I have saved those kids?

Looking back on it now doesn’t change anything. Those kids were _weak_ in comparison to me. The scientists agreed that not only was _I the strongest_ , I was the _only one_ who understood where to apply myself. I didn’t take many of the exams seriously. I never thought too hard about them because it was a waste of my energy.

They liked that a lot.

That’s what separated me from the other kids.

I only applied myself to the tests that mattered, as I read through the scientists intentions.

They purposely were working us to the bone in order to test our true intelligence. They wanted to know who understood when to take a shortcut, when to disregard something, when to apply yourself to the fullest.

I guess I was the only one who knew.

I was 10 years old when the scientists gave me the graduation exam. I was about two hours into the tests when SWAT barged into the building, arresting every scientist in there. I continued to take my test. I had the motivation to finish. I was going to finish. Therefore, _I did finish_.

I scored a perfect on the graduation test. Not even the scientists who administered it could do that.

I was placed into the FBI’s custody for protection from the media and possible revenge plots. There were also psychopaths who would have loved to get their hands on my brain. The FBI were one of those psychopaths, so after a check through at the hospital to ensure I was healthy, I fled the country.

The story of the lone survivor of the American Scientists Psychoanalysis Group is a popular story with a thousand conspiracy theories. The truth is, I didn’t want to be used so I changed my identity and fled to Japan. I went underground to ensure nobody could find me.

You might wonder how a ten year old girl survives completely by herself in a foreign country, but let me remind you, _I was no longer a normal ten year old girl_.

Fast forward to two years later, governments from around the world were going crazy in search of me. They couldn’t find me, of course, but I was annoyed by the excessive searching.

I appeared in the office of Japan’s Chief Defense Minister and waited for him to explain why they were all desperately looking for me.

Again, lucky me. An organization out to destroy all major world powers was rising, but the poor governments didn’t know the first thing about them. They needed me to figure it all out. Of course, I didn’t have a choice.

Now, here I am at University of Tokyo eight years later, slowly waiting for all the countries to pull together enough funding to go with my plan.

Figuring out the coordinates, motives, and the network of the organization was one of the easiest things I ever had to do. I had it figured out within a few weeks of first learning about it. My six year old self performed this stuff in her sleep. The issue was gaining countries’ cooperation and the funding to execute the plan.

In the meantime, I enjoyed my life to the fullest. Japan’s government pays everything for me, including housing, food, furniture, clothes, university- everything. In high school I was popular- all the other students loved me. It’s hard not to love a girl who is the epitome of perfect.

The perfect test scores.

Perfect at every sport.

Perfect face.

Perfect body.

Everything on the surface of me is perfect.

Great thing they could never read my not so perfect mind.

  
  



	3. The Irish Goodbye

“If you hate her so much, why do you keep staring at her?” Iwaizumi asked Oikawa over the loud music in the house party they were attending. Oikawa hated her with every fiber of his being. _Little Miss Perfect_ . _She_ always seemed several steps ahead of him. _She_ was the one who held the upper hand in their backwards relationship. _She_ always managed to get under his skin, while he was never able to scratch her surface.

“She’s ignoring me. It’s pissing me off,” he grumbled, taking a large drink from his red solo cup. He wasn’t drunk. He couldn’t seem to enjoy himself while the perfect girl grabbed the attention of everyone else in the room. It was always at these parties she acted like she didn’t know him. She acted like he was nothing but a nuisance to her oh-so perfect life. As soon as she would see him in class, or walking around the university, or her random appearances at the university’s volleyball club, she would give him her undivided attention.

Of course, it wasn’t like it was sickly sweet attention. It was nothing more than her purposefully throwing comments towards him to piss him off, then a random flirty comment to make him blush. He remembers vividly the one day they were arguing about his apparent “ego” and how he just couldn’t handle it when someone who was “better than him in every way” forced him to recognize that. That said “person” was no other than her, Miss Perfection. He took a step towards her, ready to snap at her, then she cut him off with a “ _ooo, you want to kiss me so bad right now_ ,” then threw her head back in an uncontrollable laughter. She was childish and petty. The worst part is he wanted to. He wanted to kiss her just to have her shut the fuck up.

“She always ignores you, Shittykawa. She doesn’t care,” Iwaizumi patted his back as he took a drink out of his matching cup, watching as Oikawa refused to break his gaze from her. He vaguely heard Oikawa mumble something along the lines of “I’ll make her care,” before rolling his eyes and setting his cup down. Iwaizumi rolled his own eyes at that, then walked away, not willing to deal with Oikawa’s jealousy much longer.

He understood why Oikawa was obsessed with her, regardless of whether Oikawa would admit it or not. Not only was Kia singlehandedly the hottest girl he has ever laid his eyes on, she was also incredibly intelligent. She was a genius, at everything. She never tried in her university studies, yet consistently received 4.0’s like it was nothing. She was a dance major, yes, but she always took the difficult classes. In their biochemistry class first semester, she never once struggled with the material. Any calculus, chemistry, biology, english, ANYTHING- she received perfect scores. He remembers one day her volunteering to play against them in a practice match. Iwaizumi genuinely believed she was a professional volleyball player, only to find out she’s only played the sport a few times before. He liked her though, like a lot. Strictly platonic, of course. She just wasn’t his type. He also knew of Oikawa’s obsession with her. No matter how often he would try to deny it, he was in love with everything about her.

Oikawa continued to stand in his spot in the kitchen where he could clearly see the girl dancing. Her hair was long, even in her ponytail it still reached her waist. It was bleached and dyed a soft pink, but the roots of her hair remained a dark brown. Her skin was slightly tanned, probably fading from her most recent vacation to the Bahamas, but still held a nice glow. Her black, scrunched tube top revealed how nicely her curves waved into her hips. Her light, blue boyfriend jeans stuck out around her waist, but gave shape to her ass. He licked his lips as he watched her hips continue to sway back and forth to the music, trying to think of ways to grab her attention.

His body stiffened as he saw a familiar redhead make his way to her through the crowd. Placing his hands on her hips, pulling their bodies close together and swaying to the beat of the music. Karma Akabane.

He liked Karma, honestly. He was a good guy, smart, and funny. He knew Karma and Kia were glued by the hip, nothing romantic between them. He couldn’t help, but be jealous at how easily he could just walk up to her and be that close, though. They always seem to find one another and move perfectly in sync. He wanted that to be him. He wanted to be the one to make her shut the fuck up and just dance with him. But how?

When Karma turned Kia around, Kia and Oikawa’s eyes met for a brief moment. A sly smirk on her face as she caught him staring at her while dancing on Karma. He didn’t even care he was caught, he knew that she knew anyways. She seemed to know everything- like she could read his character, predict his plans, and ruin everything about him. She turned her head quickly though, only focusing on Karma and seeming to whisper something to him as they both lightly laughed. This only fueled Oikawa’s anger more. He downed the rest of his drink and walked away from the kitchen and into the bathroom, fed up with her ignoring him.

When he stepped out of the bathroom a few moments later and went to the kitchen to retrieve another drink, he saw her standing there, pouring herself another one. She seemed like she was completely oblivious to presence, but Oikawa knew better. He made his way over to her, tightly grabbing her wrist with his left hand. She only raised an eyebrow, not even bothering to look up at him as she continued to focus on fixing her drink. He leaned in, making sure she felt his hot breath on her ear.

“I don’t like when you ignore me.”

She giggled.

He placed his right hand on the small of her back, signalling to anyone who was watching that she was not up for grabs.

“I wasn’t ignoring you Tooru,” she claimed, finally looking up and giving him an innocent look. _Wow._

Her eyes were a bright, glassy green. Her black, winged eyeliner drew more attention to the color of her eyes. There were dark brown freckles scattered across the bridge of her nose, accompanied by her two, gold, nose hoops on the left and the gold septum in the middle. She wasn’t wearing any lipstick tonight and her lips looked as soft as ever. The brown pieces of her hair framed the sides of her face. She really was the most perfect person he ever laid his eyes on. He _hated_ it.

“You haven’t even looked my way once tonight, _princess._ ” His tone was aggressive, fed up with her antics. The grip he had on her wrist became tighter as he slid his other hand around her waist more to pull her closer to him. Her innocent face soon became one that could match the devil’s.

“I guess you just don’t stand out in this crowd,” she shrugged, the smirk returned to her face. Oikawa felt his face twitch at her comment.

“You know, for being so perfect, you’re definitely a bitch.”

“I’m a bitch you couldn’t keep your eyes off for about a hour though, right?” Oikawa’s eyes immediately widened. Had he really been staring at her for that long? She laughed at his realization, finding more humor in how he shook his head to play off the shock. She pushed herself away from him, grabbing her drink to head back to the dance floor, but he wasn’t going to let her get away that easily. 

He hooked two of his fingers through the loop of her belt buckle and immediately brought her back against the front of his body. Leaning down to whisper into her ear “you’re mine tonight,” he placed both hands on her hips in order to guide her somewhere they could be alone. Kia just laughed as the pair went up the steps to an empty bedroom.

The pair weren’t concerned about getting in trouble with the owner of the house. It was Makki’s and Mattsun’s place after all. Kia and the duo were really good friends as she met both in high school, while Oikawa knew them through the volleyball team at university. Everyone had such a different understanding of Kia than Oikawa and he hated that they couldn’t see what he could see.

Once the pair were in the bedroom, Oikawa hurried to lock the door and leaned against it, slightly tilting his head back to let out a breath.

“What now Mister Volleyball? Getting me here alone seemed to take a pretty heavy toll on you,” she mocked as she sat cross legged on the bed. He could feel his frustration building at the brat in front of him. She placed her right elbow on her knee, laying her face in the palm of her hand as she watched Tooru with a smirk on her face.

Kia knew his intentions. She knew he was in love with her, but she had too much fun messing with him. As much as he hated her, he was so obsessed with her that he wouldn’t let her go no matter what she said to him. She had him wrapped around her finger, enjoying nothing more than the frustration she caused the boy. That’s why she completely ignores him at parties, but gives her undivided attention to him elsewhere. The games are her favorite part and he _loves_ to play her mind games.

Tooru kicked himself off the door and made his way over to Kia, crossing his arms as he stood in front of her. She quickly glanced up to make brief eye contact, but then looked at her nails like she was completely disinterested in him. This pissed him off even more. He grabbed the hand that wasn’t holding her face and pulled her up against him, swiftly wrapping his arm around the back of her body. For once, Kia was genuinely surprised by his actions and unable to hide it.

“I’m going to make you regret every little thing you’ve done to me,” he whispered, moving his face closer so their noses were just barely touching.

“You think you have the power to do that? Or is that your ego doing the talking?” She wrapped both her arms around his neck, pulling their bodies so they were completely pressed up against one another. She could feel him growing hard underneath her, a light laugh escaping her lips at the realization.

That was the last straw for him. He wasted no more time locking their lips as he roughly pressed his against hers. Of course Kia returned it, she was only human after all and did find Tooru to be more attractive than most. His hands gripped her waist tightly; Kia was almost positive there would be fingerprints for her to find tomorrow. She laughed at the thought, only for Tooru to take advantage of her mouth opening and slid his tongue into her mouth.

As the two continued to kiss, he started to lead their way to the bed, placing his hands on her back as he slowly lowered her onto the mattress. That was probably the most gentle he would be tonight with her. Each of them crawled towards the top of the bed, doing the best they could to prevent the kiss from breaking. She tried to crawl on top to straddle Tooru’s lap, only to be roughly pushed back down on the bed again by him.

“Last thing I want is for the princess to think she’s in control,” he said using a mocking tone as he pinned down both her wrists to get on top of her. She was at a loss for words for once in her life. Never once did she expect him to be the one to put her in her place, but she thoroughly enjoyed it. But she wasn’t going to let it be easy.

“We’ll see how long you think you can handle it. You’re just not fit to take the lead,” she sighed, looking off onto the side to try to act disinterested once more. Again, his face twitched at her jab. He immediately went for her neck, biting and sucking everywhere he could- marking it so everyone knew he had her. He also knew she was holding back her moans, refusing to let him think he finally did have her.

He released his hands from her wrists and moved them up and down the sides of her body, feeling every dip and curve, her soft skin underneath his calloused hands. He squeezed her hips once more as he continued to suck on the skin right below her ear, finally emitting a soft moan from her. He smirked.

He detached his lips from her neck and grabbed her jaw to make her look at him, an evil smile making its way onto his lips. Her arms went to wrap around his neck once more, pulling him back down to her lips as they continued to kiss. Leaning onto his left arm for support, he slowly brought his right hand up to her breasts and squeezed, another moan falling past her lips. He then brushed his thumb gently over her nipple, feeling it become hard through her shirt. He detached their lips once more, opting to go for her collarbone and chest to place more marks on her skin. He continued to toy with her breasts, her hips rolling into his in an attempt to alleviate the pressure growing between her legs.

He didn’t like that.

He pulled himself away from her chest and sat back on his legs and stared at her. “Stop moving your hips otherwise I’ll drag this out even longer,” he commanded, his tone dark and ominous. This only caused Kia to laugh. Tooru was anything, but threatening to her. He would do whatever he could to please her; _anything_ for a little drop of validation from her. He hated her, but there was no one in the world he wanted to be acknowledged by more than her.

He grit his teeth then forcefully ripped her top off, sizing up her now exposed breasts. “Stop laughing,” he repeated in the same tone. Kia actually listened this time, not because she was scared of him, but because she really did just want him to bring her to an orgasm. Before he went back to work, she signalled for him to take his shirt off as well. He obliged and tossed it onto the chair in the corner of the room.

He bent back down to bring a nipple to his mouth, swirling around the now hard bud. His other hand massaged at the other breast, Kia biting her bottom lip to prevent herself from moaning.

He finally had her.

That is, until a fight broke out downstairs.

Both Tooru and Kia looked at each then towards the door, wondering if it was even worth it to go running towards the scene. Tooru wanted her to forget all about it and stay with him, but Kia had a thing for drama. She lived for it. She was the main gossip line; knew everything and anything about everyone and held it over their heads without shame. Tooru always wondered how she came to know such information, but when he asked her she would always tell him to mind his business.

 _She can’t even mind her own goddamn business_.

A few moments later, Kia pushed Tooru’s body off her own, grabbing his t-shirt that was hanging on the chair and heading out the door. Tooru laid on the bed, not surprised by her actions for once, but pissed that she stole his shirt to check out the fight below. “What a fucking brat,” he muttered under his breath, pulling both his arms behind his head and letting out a loud sigh.

He hates her. He hates her so much. He hates her stupid laugh that is music to his ears. He hates her bright colored eyes, the ones that seem to draw everyone’s attention. He hates how she’s the most gorgeous thing to ever walk the Earth. He hates how she teases him nonstop, has him wrapped around his finger, how he would do anything to grab her attention. He hates how she’s a fucking genius.

He hates her. He hates her. He hates her.

He wishes she would just be his already.

And he hates how in love he is with her.

Kia, on the other hand, made her way down the steps to check out the commotion. It was nothing newsworthy, honestly. Two drunk idiots fighting about some average looking girl, but only one of them had the correct name. Kia groaned, wishing that she would’ve just stayed up there with Tooru like he desperately wanted her to. However, she was already out of the room, so she might as well leave the party at this point. So she did, not even bothering to bid anyone a farewell. The “Irish Goodbye” was Kia’s trademark.

  
  



	4. Karma's Knowledge

Karma knows.

Karma is not an idiot. His intelligence can be scary when he applies himself. He can see through others’ motives, plans, and intent. His intelligence doesn’t match Kia’s. Hell, he’s not even worthy of the comparison.

But he _knows_.

He knows that Kia doesn’t make a move without some intent behind it. She’s not one to think irrationally, spontaneously, or act impulsively. She’s an amazing actress. She’s the best at manipulation. She knows how to direct everyone’s attention to one place while she sneaks off to another. He knows this about her, but why can’t he figure out when and why she’s doing it?

Kia and Karma met for the first time when they were 10 years old. It was a rainy night in Tokyo, a gloomy day overall. He was roaming the streets with his friends, looking for a fight. Just as he was about to pick a fight with someone, he saw her walk over to his victim and start speaking with him. He remembers the smirk on his face as he thought he got lucky with not one, but two victims. Not only were both his victims too small to put up a fight, but one of them was a little girl that couldn’t possibly defend herself.

He walked over, winding his arm back to throw a punch towards the boy, when Kia grabbed his wrist. It wasn’t a tight grip and certainly wasn’t something that could prevent him from hitting anybody, but then he met her eyes. Her bright, green eyes scared the shit out of him. They held nothing behind them other than emptiness. He couldn’t see any emotion, intent, or history behind her eyes. Looking into an empty box doesn’t scare anyone, but looking into Kia’s eyes was like surrounding yourself into an empty, bright, green room. There wasn’t any warmth behind her stare, but there wasn’t coldness either.

_It was only empty._

After that day, Karma and Kia became attached by the hip. His reasoning was to figure out why her eyes were so empty. He doesn’t know Kia’s reasoning for hanging out with him. 

She held no qualms about telling him who she was: the lone survivor of the American Scientists Psychoanalysis Group and the tests performed on her. He refused to believe it at first. Then, he saw how she moved. Despite always being one of the most beautiful girls he has ever seen, she only grabbed attention when she wanted it. If she had no desire to have people break their necks to look at her, she would go completely unnoticed in any crowd. He watched as she carefully calculated her interactions with other kids their age, slowing down her movements so she wouldn’t stick out, dumbing down her speech so she would blend in. The only time he ever thought he saw a fraction of what she really was would be when those two were alone, fighting one another just to gauge the other’s athletic ability. He could never place even a scratch on her while she held him down without difficulty.

Although Karma was wary of her, he found the personality she put on display for everyone intriguing. She could be loud, friendly, talkative. She would have mood swings, argue with others, and could be disorganized. When she was with him, she was cool, calm, and collected. They would put their noses in everyone’s business, collect every detail of their lives and hold it over them if they were looking for something in return. Together, they could be considered two devils walking the Earth.

Karma was sure she wasn’t one hundred percent herself whenever it was just him and her or her in a group of people. He was always genuine with her, though. He had no idea how he could be in spite of the caution he felt with her. Karma had no issues talking about a variety of things with her, whether it was something as simple minded as “gold dress or blue dress” or speaking of philosophical arguments of the purpose of life. He was able to physically fight with her to the fullest without worrying about hurting her, he could compete with her on an intellectual scale, joke around and find comfort within their friendship.

He wonders if she really thinks of him as a friend even though they spend a majority of their time together.

Kia was the one who roped Karma into the mission the governments of the world gave her. She considered Karma the second in command, leaning on him for advice and help devising strategies. He never understood why she leaned on him considering she was able to do everything herself. Did she want him around? Did she really respect him the way she manipulated him into believing?

“No, I’m not manipulating you,” Kia’s soft voice spoke to break Karma out of his train of thoughts. He rolled his eyes, fully aware she can practically read his and everyone’s thoughts around her.

“Can you blame me for thinking that? You’re the best actress I know,” he responded, leaning back in his chair and kicking his feet up on the coffee table in front of him. The duo were waiting for the Minister of Defense to begin their meeting. They were waiting for an update on the financial aspects of the plan and preparing to send Kia to country leaders themselves to convince them to help. Although, Kia wouldn’t really convince them. She would most likely just corner each leader into providing their cooperation by threatening to spill state secrets, just as she managed to do with the United States and a majority of European countries.

Kia yawned, placing her right hand over her mouth to cover it. “I have no incentive to keep you around. You’re here because I want you to be.” Her head lays in the palm of her hand, her bored eyes staring straight into Karma’s.

“You say one thing, but you usually end up doing a whole other. I know you well enough to know you will not do something, unless you receive something out of it.”

She let out a loud laugh, kicking up her own feet on the table in front of them. She leaned back and closed her eyes, a small, closed lip smile spreading across her face. “You’ve always been so wary of me, Karma. I get it, I really do, but sometimes you just have to go with it instead of reading into everything I do. You’ll never know my intentions, anyways.”

There it is. The one line she usually repeats to Karma that makes him even more cautious around her. She tells him to relax, but only because he’ll never understand. Not because there is nothing malicious about her, not because she trusts him and considers them friends, but because he isn’t smart enough to understand her. When he was younger, he would fight back with her, claiming one day he’ll figure her out. Nowadays, he just nods his head and goes back to thinking about her intentions.

He has a fierce loyalty to Kia. He may be cautious around her, he may not fully trust her, but he will always stay with her. It isn’t because he’s in love with her, he wants her approval, he wants to truly figure out what she’s doing (although, he does want to do that), but because she really is refreshing to be around. She’s competitive and partakes in Karma’s competitions. She truly does _act_ as a friend to him. Of course, he figures it all is an act, but nonetheless, he’ll accept it while it is still there.

“Miss Freedom and Mister Akabane, welcome,” the Minister says as he steps into his office, shaking both their hands before turning to his chair at his desk. He shuffles some papers and stares at them momentarily, before meeting both their eyes.

“Looks like we’ll have enough funds for the operation soon. North Korea and Egypt are still hesitant on their participation, though. They don’t believe we’ll need their help and they don’t need ours.”

Kia laughs.

“Well, it seems like North Korea is planning to take matters into their own hands, but that won’t do,” she speaks as she stands up and stretches her arms, craning her neck to the left to crack it. She walks over to the windows with the view of the city in front of it, a wicked smile spreading across her face.

“Hey, Karma. You think you can miss a couple of classes this week?”

“It seems like you won’t be giving me a choice,” he muses, a small smile spreading across his own features.

“Kakashi, let me use your jet tomorrow. Karma and I will be making an appearance in North Korea,” she turns to the Minister, while his eyebrows raise in surprise.

“How do you plan to do that? Japan and North Korea aren’t allies. We have no way of getting you into his office, much less the country,” he answers, looking her up and down and expecting her to give details to him about what she has planned.

“I just need a ride across the ocean. I don’t need your help with anything else. That’s what I have Karma for.”

“Oh?” Kakashi muses, turning to Karma while his pen taps at his lips. “And what do you have planned Mr. Akabane?” Karma laughs as well.

“You really think I have a plan when she’s the one speaking? I listen to what she tells me to do,” he replies, closing his own eyes and wrapping both arms behind the back of his head. Kakashi sighs, a million thoughts running through his own mind at the dangers Kia puts herself in.

“Be careful what you say. We can’t protect you over there.” His tone is strict and uncertain towards Kia, his own caution of her poking through his words.

World leaders and intelligence officers who have met Kia have become extremely cautious of her. The way she commands a room and directs their attention towards her can be frightening. They’ve all seen the types of tests that were performed on her and the evaluations she went under. Some countries have killed their own men trying to put their militaries and intelligence agencies through similar training. Nobody can understand how she survived them, much less receive the scores she ever did.

The United Kingdom attempted an assassination on Kia when she was 14 years old, scared of the intelligence and information she possessed. It ended miserably for them. Not only did she manage to knock out all their assassins and turn them into the Japanese officials, she was even able to figure out who gave the directive and what the directive was for. The assassins swore up and down they did not give her a single piece of information, Kia promised as well. Her exact words were “I don’t need them to tell me shit. I already know everything there is about this world.” That is how she gained the United Kingdom’s full cooperation- by proving she was far more superior than them.

“Again, I don’t need your help or protection. I’ll come back with North Korea’s and Egypt’s full cooperation. You just worry your pretty face about getting me the money and personnel I need for this plan to be successful,” she spoke, turning on the backs of her heels and leaving the office.

The two waited for the door to close before Kakashi spoke again. “Karma, be honest” he cleared his throat, “can I really trust her?”

“Nobody can trust her.”

But Karma does trust her and he knows Kakashi trusts her, too.

  
  



	5. Oikawa Thinks He Knows

Oikawa had heard about Kia Freedom long before he ever met her. She was popular on most social media sites and a well known professional dancer. She was seen with celebrities of all kinds at their various parties and events, all around the world. Her coming to the university was a mystery to him. A girl who is so well off right now pursuing a college degree? Not just any college degree, either. She was pursuing a degree in the field she was already well known in- dancing.

Still, he wasn’t itching to meet her like many of his other peers. He didn’t hate her. In fact, he admired her passion for dancing so much because despite being a professional, she was still pursuing a degree. If he could have been a volleyball major he sure would have, but since that isn’t an option, he stuck to the usual sport scholarship student way and majored in business.

He first met her about a year and half ago when she came to the men’s volleyball practice. They wanted to hold a practice game and their manager, Momo, had asked Kia to join. All the boys loved the idea of meeting her in theory, but they were apprehensive about her being a decent enough player and would be helpful to their practice.

They could not have been more wrong.

Kia was the only girl on the scrimmage team. The team consisted of her and Karma, and various other men around the university who used to play the sport. Kia was assigned to wing spiker even though her height is about 5’4. She didn’t spike the ball often during the game, but when she did it was hard. Every receive was perfect and she read through Oikawa’s setter dumps with ease. When it was her turn to serve, Oikawa’s team could not receive a single ball.

Oikawa became ecstatic at the idea of her playing volleyball before. A beautiful and well accomplished woman who was well versed in the sport he was so passionate about? How long has she been playing for? How many hours a day did she train? Does she still think about playing?

When Iwaizumi asked her how long she had been playing for, Oikawa’s admiration turned into distaste at her answer. “I’ve only played a few times before this,” she said, shrugging her shoulders and turning back towards Karma. Only played a few times before? Yet, her serves and receives were the definition of perfect?

_A genius._

Oikawa had thought he grew out of the immaturity of hating people for their natural talents, but Kia was a quick reminder that he had not. His distaste turned into hatred, but that only fueled Kia’s drive to piss him off.

A few days after their initial meeting, Iwaizumi, Oikawa, Mattsun, and Makki were hanging around Iwaizumi and Oikawa’s shared apartment. The conversations were light and filled with humor, occasional jokes being thrown towards Oikawa and his annoying antics. They were a few drinks deep, but nothing that could bring them close to losing consciousness.

“Wait, dude,” Mattsun started, trying to control his laughter as he went to tell his story. “The funniest thing ever was when we were in high school with Kia and Karma, high as hell one day sitting on top of the roof, and the princi-”

“I don’t want to talk about her,” Oikawa cut him off, taking a sip from his drink. The duo who were about to reminisce on their high school days looked at him, waiting for his reasoning.

“Shitface is jealous of her,” Iwaizumi explained, rolling his eyes while glancing at his phone.

“For what reason? I figured you would at least be trying to flirt with her,” Makki questioned, leaning back on the couch and raising an expecting eyebrow towards Oikawa.

“She doesn’t work hard for what she wants,” he shrugs.

“You got a point, but you also don’t even know what she wants,” Mattsun stated, preparing himself to jump to his friend’s defense.

“I don’t need to know anything about her to know that she won’t need to work for whatever it is. She’s a genius. She’s perfect. It’s annoying.”

“It’s not like she throws it in anyone’s faces. She’s hot as hell and cool,” Makki says, preparing himself in the same way as Mattsun.

“Wait,” Iwaizumi interrupts the slow tension that has built in the air. “You guys didn’t even bother to deny she’s perfect, why?” Makki and Mattsun both exchange a look with one another before answering.

“Because she is perfect. I haven’t seen her do anything that is less than perfection.”

“No, but really. She received 100’s on every test, quiz, and essay we’ve ever had. She was always number one in every physical test, even beating all the boys in the whole school. I mean, even her appearance is perfect.”

 _That_ was the night that Oikawa decided he would do whatever he could to find and exploit whatever it was that Kia wasn’t good at. 

The next day, Oikawa decided to try to befriend her. To his surprise, it was rather easy. She was an easy person to talk to. She’s funny, smart, kind, and generous. Over the next few weeks, Oikawa learned a lot about her. She really enjoyed dancing, she can speak 20 languages, can read and write in 15 of those. She enjoys mystery books the most, but will occasionally seek out a romance one to make fun of the main characters. Her favorite food was nearly anything with vodka sauce and she was the best cook he’s ever known. She lives alone in an expensive loft at the very top floor in her apartment complex located in the center of the city. She prefers night over day, her sleep schedule is anything but consistent, and she has a thing for arguments. Although he had learned many things about what she can do and what she enjoys, he only learned about one thing she hated.

“I hate when people try to get close to me in order to find a weakness. They only do it to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings,” she stated, not breaking eye contact with Oikawa for a second. She started to make her way around her kitchen island, her hand trailing across the black marble surface and coming to a stop in front of him. She gently placed the palm of her hand on his cheek, his eyes wide with fear.

“ _Exactly_ like what you’ve been doing these last few weeks. You should start realizing now that no matter how hard you try, you’ll never find anything I’m not perfect at, that I’m not the best at,” she began. Her words were laced with venom, while her eyes and face only showed indifference. He was _actually_ scared of her.

“I am perfect, Tooru. Everything about me is perfect. I don’t try yet I still receive perfect grades. I never practice yet I remain the best dancer in the world. I play volleyball a few times and yet I’m better than someone who has worked for years to perfect his craft. How does that make you feel? Are you pissed? Are you jealous? Are you upset? Is that why you tried so hard to find something in me that I couldn’t do?” Her palm was slowly sliding down his face, to his neck, and finally pressing against his chest. She took one more step towards him, closing the distance as much as she could while still being able to rest her hand on his chest. She got onto her tiptoes, leaning in towards his ear so he could feel her breath against it.

“You’ll never find anything. Remember, I am the definition of perfection.”

Oikawa hated her fiercely after that day. Kia remained ruthless in her constant teasing of him starting that day. Her teasing only caused his hatred to burn more. It burned so much that it formed an obsession where he would have done anything to see her crack in any way, shape, or form. That obsession soon turned into him falling madly in love with the woman.

He didn’t fall in love with her because he saw her “real” personality. He fell in love with her because she refused to give up. Not in the sense of “she faces adversity and persists” type of refusal to give up, but more so she’s so hell bent on remaining perfect she won’t give up. She says she is the definition of perfection and means it. She walks her talk. She says what she means. Oikawa couldn’t help but fall madly in love with the only person he’s ever met able to stay so committed to the most ridiculous idea.

He admitted it to himself a long time ago that he fell in love with her. He doesn’t bother to look at any other girl except her. She is perfect. She is who he wants to be with. To have someone who is perfect for you is one thing, to have someone who actually is just perfect is a whole other.

He knows every other man in the world sees her as perfect for them and would do anything to be with her. He’s different, though. He’s not like other guys. He knows she is actually just perfect. She’s everything while everyone else is nothing. They don’t know her the way he knows her. What they see as a natural talent, he sees as a mastered skill. What they see as natural beauty, he sees as years of nitpicking appearances. What they see as an outgoing and friendly girl, he sees as a trained conversationalist. Oh.

_Oh._

**_OH._ **

Oikawa sits up in his bed, staring straight ahead in his room as if he’s just solved the world’s greatest mystery. Actually, he just might have. The mystery that is the woman Kia Freedom. One of the great wonders of the world.

It finally makes sense to him now as he jumps out of bed and rushes around his room to find a hoodie. Of course, she’s perfect. How couldn’t he see it before?

The way everything just comes to her as if she’s done it a thousand times before. The way she reads through others like she’s encountered them a thousand times before. The way she doesn’t need to study as if she’s learned it a thousand times before.

It’s because she has done it a thousand times before.

He remembers vaguely in his childhood the story of the American Scientist Psychoanalysis Group. The one singular child who survived had fallen off the face of the earth, never to be seen or heard from again. There was no information on the child, not even a gender. The only information known to the general public about the child was that they were trained like no other in both physical and intellectual dimensions. The child was supposed to be fearfully intelligent. The child was supposed to be fearfully athletic. The child is supposed to be Kia.

He’s running out of his shared apartment towards Kia’s, ready to confront her with his new hypothesis. He hasn’t seen her since the party at Makki and Mattsun’s home. He’s silently praying it won’t be awkward, but knowing Kia in the way he does, she won’t let it be awkward. She’s too perfect for it to be awkward. 

He’s sprinting full force in the streets, making turns left and right with only one destination in mind. He completely forgets how impractical it was for him to run instead of using his car, she lives in the center of the city which is a 45 minute run for him. He doesn’t mind, though. He’s in such a place of happiness over finally discovering her weakness.

Her weakness isn’t that she’s perfect. Her weakness is she was trained to be perfect.

He finally makes it to her building, throwing the front doors open and heading straight towards the elevator. He doesn’t care for the weird stares he receives. Again, he is filled with such enlightenment at his latest discovery.

When he finally reaches the top floor, he wastes no time running to Kia’s door and banging on it, praying to the gods that she’s home and not at work. He hears her footsteps, gradually taking her time as if she’s been expecting him. Knowing how her mind works, she knew he would come.

When she finally opens it, he can feel himself stop breathing. His logic finally catches up to him.

What are the chances that this is actually who she is? Is he going to seem crazy? Is he really this obsessed with her that he’s spent months trying to discover the cracks within her? How is she going to react if it's true? Will he still be alive tomorrow?

“Are you okay?” She asks, reaching her hand out to place it on his shoulder. He stares at her with a bewildered look on his face, taking in the sight in front of him.

Such an effortless beauty she is. Her hair is wet from a shower, face slightly glowing, probably from the moisturizer she uses. She smells like roses and summer and he can’t help but think of home while looking at her. Her dark gray sweatpants are loose around her waist, while her black t-shirt hugs her body a little tighter. She raises an eyebrow at him when she notices him staring at her, but it isn’t like he cared. He always stares and she always knows, one of the most recent examples being the party.

He shakes his head and steps into the loft, forcing her to step to the side. He doesn’t say anything to her while he takes off his shoes and heads towards her couch, and she doesn’t say anything to him. His guess was correct when he believed she knew he would come. There were two hot cups of tea sitting on her coffee table, honey and sugar both there, ready for him to use.

“How did you know I was coming?” He asks, taking a seat on the couch, but leaning forward to sweeten the tea to his liking. Kia lets out a soft smile.

“Call it a sixth sense.”

He nods his head and takes a drink from his cup, ignoring the slight burn on his tongue. Kia takes a seat right next to him, leaning back into the couch and bringing her knees to her chest. She wraps her arms around her legs as she watches Tooru, knowing damn well that he doesn’t know where to begin with this conversation. She smiles slightly to herself, she never believed he could figure it out.

“What did they do to you when you were younger?” He asks, continuing to face forward in fear of what she would do, or even worse, what she would think.

“Who?” She asks, deciding to play the innocent card.

Kia is too smart and enjoys her mind games with Tooru too much to just give up her past that easily. She knows what she wants from him before letting him know the truth. She’ll make sure she gets what she wants before ever telling anyone the truth.

“That group? The American one. Those scientists who killed a bunch of kids to create a bunch of masterminds. What did they do to you?”

“I’m not really sure what you’re talking about,” she laughs. The laugh is strained and forced, making Tooru believe for a second that he’s got her cornered. It is only a second, though. He remembers that she’s a trained conversationalist. Nothing from her is genuine or ingenuine. You purposefully can’t see through her actions or words or speech and just when you believe you have the upper hand, she reveals a play that tells you she expected you to do as much.

“Did you kill those kids? Did they make you? How come you’re the only one who didn’t die?” Tooru presses on, hoping something he says will sort through a break in her demeanor. He takes a peak at the small girl beside him, regretting it immediately. She has the knowing smile on her face. The same smile she gives everyone when they do exactly as she expected.

“Well, I haven’t died yet because I’m perfect. I can’t say anything about those kids because I don’t know the answer,” she shrugs, releasing her legs from her hold and placing them on the floor, reaching for her own cup of tea. Tooru watches as she takes a sip, sorting through his own mind for the most random move in the book that not even she could read. It’s futile, though. She’ll know no matter what he chooses, so he just continues the conversation like normal.

“You don’t know the reason they died? Or you don’t know anything about them?” 

“Both, I guess. If I don’t know anything about them, I certainly won’t know the reason they died,” she muses. She moves herself closer to him, the sides of her right thigh pressing against his left, almost daring him to do something. He sighs, feeling the frustration building up within him again at her constant denial. Something in him this time is telling him that he is right about her.

“What do you want me to do before you finally tell me the truth?” His voice is barely above a whisper as he stares at the ground with his head in his hands. Tooru is exhausted. He’s so sickeningly in love with a woman who is using him, but he doesn’t know what for. It clearly isn’t sex as they haven’t been together like that yet. It isn’t for the attention because she could have any other guy in the world wrapped around her fingert. Plus, that isn’t something she would care for. It’s not money; she’s drowning in it while he can only use what the university offers him through his sports scholarship.

There is nothing he has or that he can offer to her to be a reasoning for being used. Why is she using him, though?

“What makes you think I’m not telling you the truth?” Kia’s voice is soft, soothing, and begs anyone who hears it to trust her. She gently pulls him back by his shoulders and leans her back against the couch, pulling Tooru to lay his head in her lap. She runs her fingers through his hair, her long nails forcing him to let out a pleasant hum. He closes his eyes, the thoughts of his frustrations with her floating away from his mind as she gives him her undivided attention. His one left arm remains tucked underneath him while his right stretches out slightly in front of him, his right hand gently laying against her thigh.

“You never tell the truth. You’re using me and won’t tell me why. You don’t want me to find out the truth,” he mumbles. He knows the conversation they’re having isn’t pleasant, but he feels so at home with her. This is the ultimate comfort to him, being anywhere around her.

“It’s not like I’m preventing you from finding out the truth, Tooru. I have no reason to,” she answers, keeping the soft tone that Tooru hopes is only for him to hear.

It takes him a moment before he sits up again, his right hand remaining on her thigh while he stares at her. Her eyes finally seem to show something other than nothing, but he doesn’t trust that it isn’t another skill of hers. To display emotions that seem so true and real would be something that exactly fits her skillset, but he can’t find it in himself to let it overcome his love for her.

He places his left palm against her cheek and leans his forehead against hers. His eyes are closed and their noses brush against each other’s, he can feel her cool breath against his lips. He wants to kiss her. He wants to be with her. But does she really feel the same? He knows they had a lot of similar and intimate moments like this one, ones where they have led to heated makeouts and plenty of nights of falling asleep next to one another. He wonders now though if that was part of her plot and if that is something she ever actually wanted. He could never forgive himself if it was.

He knew she would kiss him back. He knew she seemed to enjoy their other night together. She knew she said yes and would never allow anyone to force her to do anything. But again, was it consensual because she wanted to do those things? Or was it consensual because she knew it would help with whatever she wanted, but she didn’t actually want to kiss him?

“Tooru, I don’t need to kiss you to get what I want. I’ll kiss you because that’s what I want to do,” she spoke, her voice holding a more firm tone than before. He continues to stay silent, refusing to open his eyes to be disappointed by not being able to distinguish if she is genuine or not.

Kia lightly sighs before placing both her hands on his cheeks, pulling him in to kiss her.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if i told yall but this is abt to have inconsistent updates lmaoo im a college gal so when i write its pretty much whenever i have time
> 
> also if ur confused abt kia u def should be im trying to make her very confusing but idk if its coming off that way tbh ~oh well~


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